It Feels So Old a Pain
by athingsublime
Summary: "Not really how she imagined her first time in Seeley Booth's bed."  Based on 6x22 promo


**Title:** It Feels So Old a Pain  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Just the 6x21 promo.  
><strong>Rating:<strong> G  
><strong>Summary:<strong> _"Not really how she imagined her first time in Seeley Booth's bed."_  
><strong>Notes:<strong> Title from "I Measure Every Grief I Meet" by Emily Dickinson. Also, English is not my first language and I didn't get this one beta-ed, so I deeply apologize from any mistakes. Please love me in reviews anyway ;)

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

It is the first time she spends the night in Booth's apartment, and it's completely platonic.

Or, it starts that way, at least.

It starts, really, with being caught up in work, thus sending Vincent Nigel-Murray to the field with Booth, one thing she now knows will hunt her for the rest of her life.

Then there's a frantic call from one Agent or the other, an ER, then a waiting room on the surgical wing, and finally – "I'm sorry, Mr. Nigel-Murray didn't make it through the surgery."

Hours later they arrive at his apartment, in need of a comforting place to try and find a way out of this Broadsky mess. Over Thai food, he asks, no, it's more like a plea, "Bones... stay here tonight," there's fear in his eyes that breaks her heart. "I just... I... You're safer here."

What he doesn't say is, I'm too afraid to let you go now. I won't sleep if you're in another apartment. If he comes here, if you're next, I want to kill him right away. He doesn't say that after surviving so many loses in his life, hers is not one he can handle.

It surprises them both, though, that she doesn't even try to argue, simply points out uselessly that "I only have the clothes on me, I-I can't sleep in that."

Maybe she's not so surprised at her lack of willingness to argue, because while he's the one asking, she knows she needs it, too. Vincent's death has taken its toll on him, and she thinks, maybe it's going to be worse than all the lives he took himself. This one is on him. Broadsky started a war against him, and Vincent was an innocent casualty. Instead of him. She needs to be around him, to make sure that he's not sinking into the oblivion of guilt. She has to make sure he's okay.

They argue over who would take the couch, of course. She wins at the end, of course. His back, his need to sleep well to be focused (though they both know he won't be getting much sleep anyway), she has the better, rational arguments and eventually he caves.

"It's clean, don't worry," a hint of a playful smile on his face when he says it while handing her a sweatshirt and pair of pants to sleep in.

He lies in his bed, mind going a mile a minute, never resting.

She's laying on the couch, staring into the ceiling, willing herself to just. Stop. Thinking.

But she can't, and thinking leads to guilt, and fear, and... She can't really name what else it is, but before she realizes it, it sends her half-jogging to Booth's bedroom.

He hears her before he sees her, and stands up from his bed.

There's crushing into him, falling on the bed.

Crying.

Not really how she imagined her first time in Seeley Booth's bed.

If he has anything to say about her bursting into his bedroom, he shows no signs of it.

Booth just holds her, first through violent sobs, then quiet tears with the occasional gasp for breath, and finally, when his strong heartbeat lulls her to sleep. He doesn't find sleep himself, but does find comfort in just holding her close to him, feeling her heartbeat against his chest, her soft hair under his fingers.

Brennan wakes up determined, as if she had an epiphany in her sleep.

"We always lose the race against time, Booth," she says suddenly, not moving her head from the comfortable place on his chest. "We... we can't live out lives thinking we always have tomorrow. _I_ don't want to live my life like that anymore."

With that, she lifts her head up, stares right at him, and he knows before she speaks the words.

"I hope you're not angry anymore, because I'm so, so tired of being impervious. I would very much like to stop regretting, and start living."

Slight shock and all, he's not really speaking, but his eyes tell her everything she needs to know, and so she dots her words with a kiss, which she means to be simple and sweet, but somehow gets heated up a little... Because, well, it's them. It's them, a little late, and just on time. It's them finally taking the leap, finally erasing the damn line.

It takes a few moments of heavy kissing and some wandering hands, then she pulls herself together, and moves back a bit.

"I would like to make love to you, Seeley Booth," he chuckles, because this sentence is everything he loves about the impossible Temperance Brennan, the directness, the choice of words she got from him, the soft way she hums more than says the words... "But not tonight. It's... not tonight. We're hurting and, and, Vincent and..." her voice shakes a little, and he affirms his hold on her waist, "I don't want us to be tainted by this."

He nods, so overwhelmed by this day, by her, by life.

Best and worst day of his life, all wrapped in one. But maybe this is just how life is, and maybe tonight, he's finally willing to accept it.

"Just lay with me, baby," he agrees as he finally forces some words out of his frozen mouth, and it comes out all raspy and breathy. "Let's just sleep."


End file.
